Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
