Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize