i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
