There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
