the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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