sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
