I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
