my room smells like sperm. sweet.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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