Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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