weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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