wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize