It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
my liver is dry heaving
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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