You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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