what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
