STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
