I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
