Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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