Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
