I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
