My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
