Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
