i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize