I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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