Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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