Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
