so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My underwear smells like fireworks.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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