So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize