This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
