So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
