Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
