hell yes lets make some ravioli
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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