I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
