I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
