...so i touched it.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
