I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize