Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
