i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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