I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
