dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
