I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
