Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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