the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
