Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
