can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
