Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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