I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
