How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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