How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize