I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
