dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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