You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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