I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
pop tarts are not kleenex
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
