I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
