How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
