I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
