Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize