I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
