she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
