Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
