I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
