im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
