I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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