OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My penis needs a shock collar
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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