Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
