She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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