awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
