just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize