I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
