dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
