Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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