My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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