I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
