Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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