I think i peed on brittanys purse
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
