my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Ladies don't puke and tell
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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