Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
