don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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