All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he thought i was a dude.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
