Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
