ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
