Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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