my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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