wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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