You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
