I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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