explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
