Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize