I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
