I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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