I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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