After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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