Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
