Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize